Making Peace With Your Past

BLOG NOVEMBER 2024 - MAKING (Enough) PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

Recently, I visited Argentina, where I grew up. Spending time with my family in Buenos Aires is always a treat, but this time, I felt the need to do something I’d been putting off for a while. I’m grateful I faced it, hesitantly at first, but so glad I fulfilled it. I wanted to complete an essential part of my journey toward making enough peace with my past, especially around memories from my early years. I thought I’d share my experiences in case they inspire you to start or continue your own journey toward making peace with your past. Here are some of the most important things I’ve learned all these years:

Decide to Face It: 

You might wonder, “Why go through the effort of making peace with the past?” It’s a valid question. I’ve learned that this kind of “heart work” brings incredible benefits. Facing the past frees us to live more fully, allows more head space -without painful memories hijacking our present. It gives us more emotional energy and hope for the future. I’ve also found it can help rewrite negative limiting beliefs with empowering ones that better serve us today. Dread betrays us because often it’s not nearly as scary as we imagined it. Deciding to face my past has been one of the best decisions I’ve made. Honestly, it’s a gift I gave myself—one I wish I’d received years ago.

Courage to Revisit It: 

While in Argentina, I had the chance to revisit my hometown which held many memories. I saw my old school, my neighborhood, my friends’ houses, and our small town. Visiting these places was like a blast from the past! Standing on the sidewalk of the house I grew up in, the memories flooded back with a mix of emotions, Although the house looked much the same, I was the one that had changed. I had my siblings with me that day, which made it very special. Earlier, we’d visited the memorial park where my parents and sisters rest. Some memories brought tears, -the healing ones that help you make peace with your past in ways you can barely explain. Having the courage and the space to revisit these emotions, memories, and experiences was like a healing balm. I could stay present knowing I was stronger than that moment.

Redeem It: 

Without going into too much detail, I saw these memories for what they were: some were fun childhood moments, others were tough learning experiences, and some shaped me into a more empathetic and understanding person. Family conflicts pushed me to mature early and become the peacemaker in my family. Accepting that what had happened was not my fault was so freeing. Standing on that familiar sidewalk, the sun was shining on the house as if God was redeeming each memory one by one, Revisiting that house gave me a chance to find redemption and a sense of closure. I felt grateful for the resilience and grit which were forged in me in those walls. Looking back, these experiences prepared me for the challenges ahead and shaped who I am today. I was also mindful of how misunderstandings can separate the bonds we hold tight. Making peace with those we love can be a powerful part of this peace process. 

Re-edit the Story About the Story: 

It’s impressive how our minds replay certain stories from our past, even ones that happened just once. Yet because they impacted us so deeply we keep rehashing them, and with each replay, we feel the pain all over again. Worse yet, these stories still feed our negative limiting beliefs about ourselves and others. They inadvertently poison every area of our lives. -So I asked myself: When is enough, enough? By choosing to let go, I was finally able to stop carrying the pain. Giving my parents, my siblings, and myself generous amounts of grace and choosing to forgive shifted my perspective. I could see that we were all just doing the best we could with what we knew at the time. It was so liberating I could feel layers of pain just lifting off. Part of our story someone wrote for us when we were young, but now we’re the ones who can continue to write and re-edit our story. What could yours say? Imagine who you could become if you re-edited the story you tell yourself about your story?

Find Strength in it: Though this process is not a one-and-done, still I’ve found so much renewed strength in my life. You might say, how can I possibly do this? You don’t know my story. You’re right -I don’t. But this past week it’s 25 years since I lost my oldest sister. Losing loved ones is one of the quickest reality checks I know. Knowing your time is limited helps you align your priorities to live your best life. But are you living into all your possibilities or are you stuck in the past? What if you could look back and find strength in your past? Maybe see it as a kind of training that got you through many difficult situations later on in life. The determination that kept you going. The perseverance that made you successful. The commitment to not give up on yourself or those you love. The grit that kept you going despite all the setbacks. Do you see it?

Be Brave to Start Out or Start Over: 

How can you start or start over in making enough peace with your past? Are there experiences or people you need to make peace with? Are there events that keep chipping away at your energy, self-confidence, joy, or success? A famous quote by Robert Frost says, “The way out is always through.” How long have you been carrying this pain hoping it goes away? Isn’t it time to release it? Sometimes it isn’t even the pain from childhood but something more recent. Whatever it is, I believe you are worth the effort to begin or begin again on this journey. It’s no coincidence you’re reading this today. The people who hurt you might not deserve your forgiveness, but you deserve a life of joy, purpose, and freedom. You owe it to yourself. Do it for your peace of mind.

Summary

As a Purpose and Success Life Coach for Women, I know firsthand that moving forward with your purpose and calling requires making peace with your past first. Only when we release the weight of old hurts can we fully step into our calling, embracing the time we have left to be meaningful and impactful. My journey to confront and make peace with my past confirmed that revisiting these memories can bring profound freedom, a new perspective to our old stories, and unexpected hope for what lies ahead. By letting go of what no longer serves us and choosing to see our experiences through a lens of grace and resilience, we reclaim our joy, hope, and purpose. 

All my best to you!

Maria A. Mansfield

Author, Cert. Women's Life Coach & Speaker